That Time With A Stripper

Have you been up close to a stripper before? They have this clean smell to them and they never seem to be sweating.

Some time back when, I was in Vegas for a bachelor's party for one of my good friends. Like most bachelor parties in Vegas there's gambling and of course strip clubs.

I went to Vegas with a budget, I brought enough cash to last me through the weekend and I made sure I didn't spend anymore more than that...especially at a strip club. However things didn't turn out that way.

Prior to going to one of the clubs (it's been so long I forgot which one it was) I ended up owing one of the guys money for a drink...probably because he gave me money to give one of the dancers at a night before.

So we end up at this one club before the groom and the gang. There was three of us and we were immediately greeted by three dancers. I somehow got the tall blonde one (no complaints) and the girls invited us to the VIP room. "Don't worry Jimmy I got you" replied friend A (whom I owe money to) and off we went to the VIP room.

Since I owe money for drinks I had to pay up and since I didn't have any cash on me I had to use my credit card. Thing is I didn't buy just drinks for each of us, I also had to buy drinks for each of the girls! That's 6 drinks damnit.

While the two guys were busy getting their laps bootie massaged, I spent my time talking to my stripper instead. At 35 and 5'8", Lisa was originally from Jersey on a farm where she later moved to Hawaii with her family. Eventually she ended up in Vegas. "Did you ever have sex in the hay?" I asked. "No, but if you've ever been in hay it's really itchy" she replied. So note to self, don't ever have sex on hay.

We pretty much hit it off talking about various topics like salsa dancing, life and such. "The next time you're in Vegas you have to teach me salsa dancing" she said once.

During my lengthy conversation with Lisa in the very dark VIP room I finally noticed something that I should have paid attention to earlier....the guys were gone! "What the frick? What tims is it and how come I don't have a watch on me?" I wondered to myself. I had no idea what time it was (so convenient that there's no clocks in a strip club) and I had no idea how long I've been with this woman. Something came to mind:

If *they're* gone, who's paying for the bill?

Fortunately the guys paid for their lap dances but I still owe for the drinks. So what do I do at this point? I continue talking to Lisa.

"Are you sure you want to stay here? It doesn't matter if we stay or leave because you're paying for the time you're spending with me. We can always talk outside" said lisa. Well at least she's honest about it. "no, let's talk for a little bit longer."

After some more talking the groom finally appeared in front of me and said "Hey are you doing okay? You've been gone a long time and I don't want you to be ripped off. So you better get going." Okay, time to go.

Well apparently I didn't realize that I was in there for almost 2 hours. After being led to the woman that takes your money, I was told I owe roughly $630.

I started to sweat. How the heck the whole thing come up to be that much? The drinks came out to be almost $100, there was some percentage fee for using a credit card, and it was like 150-200 per hour or something I don't recall.

I instantly started thinking about how to get out of this situation. No, can't run because cameras are all over, okay well I'm out of ideas.

They must have a lot of runners because not only did they do an imprint of my credit card, they photocopied my picture ID and took a thumb print. "Well sh*t, there's no way I can get out of this one for sure!"

So the damage was done and when I returned home to San Jose I had a bill for a strip club that was rounding the corner. However in the end, I ended up paying nothing for my trip in Vegas.

An interesting thing happened weeks after I came back. I got a call from the credit card company telling me that there's been a lot of suspicious activity on my credit card and wanted to verify some transactions with me. After naming a few restaurants I ate in Vegas including the bill for the strip club "What? I know nothing of these transactions" I replied.

"So you're telling me you didn't do any of these transactions? What about this one for XXX from Expedia for a flight to Tennesee?" asked the guy on the other end.

The fortunate thing for me was I didn't use this credit card very often. The only purchase other than the ones in Vegas was for a flight ticket out to Tennessee about 2 months earlier. So my defense was that the last time I saw my credit card was when I was in Tennessee...and I haven't used my credit card since because the card is over at my parent's house..."or at least that's where I think it is" I told him.

So the asumption i'm putting off is that I lost my credit card in Tennessee and someone stole it and used it in Vegas.

Yeah I know, unbelievable. So unbelievable that the guy said he's going to send me a letter in the mail contesting the charges and that I'll still owe the money pending the investigation. Damn.

Months later, I never received the letter nor was I ever held responsible for the amount. I received a credit for all of the transactions I did in Vegas (In total about $900) and I never heard anything from the credit card company since.

Was it luck? Somewhat. During the time when I owed the money the company probably swept it under the rug due to the transfer of account holdings.

The credit card I used was an Amazon card (not the card I used) which is hosted by a company, say BofA. Since BofA doesn't want to handle the card anymore, they would turn the accounts over to another credit card company, say Citibank.

So that's my dark secret. I think it's a bit of karma since I spent my time talking rather than a getting physical pleasure out of it!