Office Romance (Reversed)
"Well Jimmy, that was a great advice on how to pursue that office hottie, but what if you're on the receiving end and want this person away like a big zit on my back that I can't seem to reach?" I'm glad you asked faithful blog reader!
Now that we've talked about the offensive end of the much talked-about office romance, what if you're on the receiving/defensive end?
What if Mr. Pencil-Pusher wants to pursue a relationship with you and you're not interested? What if you WANT Mr. Pencil-Pusher to sharpen his pencil in your pencil sharpener? Ah hah, let's cover that next.
If you want Mr. Pencil-Pusher, read no further. Simply hang your sign that says "Magic Mountain Open" or "Disneyland Open" and he'll be over so fast you won't even have time to change your mind. However if you plan to open up Sea World in the rear, don't tell anyone...especially me...because that's just nasty.
If you're a guy and you already have the office hottie after you, why are you even reading this? You don't even have to work at it you lucky bastard. Go open up Space Mountain and give her a ride...but make sure you tell me how it went okay?
Typically, the ones on the receiving end are women in a male dominant work-place. Occasionally you'll get a male on the receiving end however, unless they bear some sort of resemblance to anyone on the top beautiful people in the magazine "People", guys typically only receive butt slaps and high-fives from other guys.
How it Starts
So it's your first day at work, you're excited and pumped up. Other than your performance being judged when you first start a new job, your looks will also be judged. Will you be the new office hottie or the next office clown? Unless your face looks like it was hit by a sledgehammer or you smell like sweaty feet, someone's going to think you're cute.
Guys will ultimately become excited over the new produce that has entered their office. Most will undoubtedly want to squeeze the cantaloups to see how fresh they are, or even want to marry the woman. Marry even before they said hello? Ridiculous? No way!
Now if you have not read the previous blog on "Swearing - The Key Success for Women" from June 16 2006, I recommend you go back to that now. Although Dilbert's method of success is extreme it is the most effective in warding off the many boys wanting to camp out in your tent or park their car in your garage.
If you're a nicey (and most women are niceys) what are you to do without hurting them?
I Have A Boyfriend
Unless you're been living underneath a rock, or the ocean, telling a man that you have a boyfriend isn't going to stop his advances. Somewhere between the sentence "I have..." and "...boyfriend" a man will probably interpret that as:
"I have a boyfriend but he's really not that great of a boyfriend...but you must be sooo much better than him."
Men will think they are better than others in the oddest of ways. You will get men that believe that:
1. They're somehow better than your hubby, even though they've never met him and have nothing to compare to.
2. You'll somehow break up with your hubby, especially when they show you how great of a poker player they are.
3. They make more money than your hubby, signifying that they must be a better provider.
4. They're really attractive, based on the amount of money they make.
Unless you have a rock the size of your boyfriend's fist on your finger, it's likely the boy will continue his advances until he gets the words "no" in the form of a sexual harrassment lawsuit.
If you don't have a boyfriend and aren't really interested in Mr. Pocket-Protector, simply tell them that you don't date coworkers, and unless it's on company time you don't do anything with coworkers. For those stuck in the lunch zone, an easy method is to say you brought your own meal (you *did* make your lunch didn't you?) or you only have time for a 10 minute lunch because the boss wants something ASAP.
I have A Husband
Even if you have a ring the size of my head, guys will see you as the horny married woman that can't get enough of sex (from their husband). They believe that they can get a free pass to Magic Mountain, so much that they'll stop at nothing to get that golden ticket.
So you've established that you're hitched and they still don't have a clue. What strategies do you have to ward off this annoying menace?
Boyfriend Dropping
No, not leave the man of your life, but rather "name drop" the word "boyfriend" in your sentences. Every chance you get you put the word "boyfriend" in your conversation with them:
"My boyfriend and I went to the market."
"My boyfriend and I stayed at home."
"My boyfriend and I had roast beef."
"My boyfriend and I had no roast beef."
"My boyfriend is so good in bed he made me scream, moan, and cry...all at the same time."
The point is, let the fool know that you're boyfriend is your life. You eat, you sleep, heck you go to the bathroom with him every moment you have. Once he realizes that you absolutely have no time for anyone else, he'll back off.
Picture Perfect
If name dropping doesn't work, have you considered having a picture of you and your boyfriend up? Instead of putting a picture frame of you and him *inside* your cubicle, why not blow up a bigger picture of you and him and put it *outside* your cubicle? The first thing any advancer will see is you and your hubby making out with your hand down his pants. No boyfriend? I'm sure you have a picture of someone that is a man (that isn't your dad) somewhere. "Oh have you seen a picture of my boyfriend?" Then shove the picture in his face. Yeah...that's right.
A good idea is to have picture of you and your boyfriend that has a story behind it. A picture of you and him with the Yosemites as a backdrop shows that you travel with your boyfriend and you actually have something in common with him. A picture of Paris or something shows that you two can be together for long periods of time with no worries.
Out of Options?
So you've tried everything at this point and you're simply out of ideas on what to do next. If the previous advice do not work the best thing is to somehow have your boyfriend in the same room as them. Whether it's the special visit from the hubby at work-day or perhaps, to the extreme, invite the guy to dinner but make no mention that your boyfriend will be there. As for your boyfriend, you can just tell him that you want to take this coworker of yours because you feel sorry that he has no people skills.
The idea is to put a face behind the boyfriend/husband. When a guy has a face, voice, and habits to match with the word "boyfriend" that you keep bringing up, it's very likely he'll back up. Yes it will be difficult to orchestrate but it's the most effective.
What if you don't have a boyfriend/husband and you want to this guy off you? You're best action is to continue telling him "No, i'm not interested" Whether it's lunch, dinner, party, etc. Do not complicate things by rewording your phrase to things such as:
"I can't because..."
"I'd like to but..."
"I have plans."
"I'm doing ____ already."
A man, although a caveman sometimes, need a straight simple answer. If they continue with "C'mon, just one drink" or whatever, just stick to your guns and repeat the words "I'm not interested." You can add sorry to the sentence, but are you *really* sorry for saying no?
Now that we've talked about the offensive end of the much talked-about office romance, what if you're on the receiving/defensive end?
What if Mr. Pencil-Pusher wants to pursue a relationship with you and you're not interested? What if you WANT Mr. Pencil-Pusher to sharpen his pencil in your pencil sharpener? Ah hah, let's cover that next.
If you want Mr. Pencil-Pusher, read no further. Simply hang your sign that says "Magic Mountain Open" or "Disneyland Open" and he'll be over so fast you won't even have time to change your mind. However if you plan to open up Sea World in the rear, don't tell anyone...especially me...because that's just nasty.
If you're a guy and you already have the office hottie after you, why are you even reading this? You don't even have to work at it you lucky bastard. Go open up Space Mountain and give her a ride...but make sure you tell me how it went okay?
Typically, the ones on the receiving end are women in a male dominant work-place. Occasionally you'll get a male on the receiving end however, unless they bear some sort of resemblance to anyone on the top beautiful people in the magazine "People", guys typically only receive butt slaps and high-fives from other guys.
How it Starts
So it's your first day at work, you're excited and pumped up. Other than your performance being judged when you first start a new job, your looks will also be judged. Will you be the new office hottie or the next office clown? Unless your face looks like it was hit by a sledgehammer or you smell like sweaty feet, someone's going to think you're cute.
Guys will ultimately become excited over the new produce that has entered their office. Most will undoubtedly want to squeeze the cantaloups to see how fresh they are, or even want to marry the woman. Marry even before they said hello? Ridiculous? No way!
Now if you have not read the previous blog on "Swearing - The Key Success for Women" from June 16 2006, I recommend you go back to that now. Although Dilbert's method of success is extreme it is the most effective in warding off the many boys wanting to camp out in your tent or park their car in your garage.
If you're a nicey (and most women are niceys) what are you to do without hurting them?
I Have A Boyfriend
Unless you're been living underneath a rock, or the ocean, telling a man that you have a boyfriend isn't going to stop his advances. Somewhere between the sentence "I have..." and "...boyfriend" a man will probably interpret that as:
"I have a boyfriend but he's really not that great of a boyfriend...but you must be sooo much better than him."
Men will think they are better than others in the oddest of ways. You will get men that believe that:
1. They're somehow better than your hubby, even though they've never met him and have nothing to compare to.
2. You'll somehow break up with your hubby, especially when they show you how great of a poker player they are.
3. They make more money than your hubby, signifying that they must be a better provider.
4. They're really attractive, based on the amount of money they make.
Unless you have a rock the size of your boyfriend's fist on your finger, it's likely the boy will continue his advances until he gets the words "no" in the form of a sexual harrassment lawsuit.
If you don't have a boyfriend and aren't really interested in Mr. Pocket-Protector, simply tell them that you don't date coworkers, and unless it's on company time you don't do anything with coworkers. For those stuck in the lunch zone, an easy method is to say you brought your own meal (you *did* make your lunch didn't you?) or you only have time for a 10 minute lunch because the boss wants something ASAP.
I have A Husband
Even if you have a ring the size of my head, guys will see you as the horny married woman that can't get enough of sex (from their husband). They believe that they can get a free pass to Magic Mountain, so much that they'll stop at nothing to get that golden ticket.
So you've established that you're hitched and they still don't have a clue. What strategies do you have to ward off this annoying menace?
Boyfriend Dropping
No, not leave the man of your life, but rather "name drop" the word "boyfriend" in your sentences. Every chance you get you put the word "boyfriend" in your conversation with them:
"My boyfriend and I went to the market."
"My boyfriend and I stayed at home."
"My boyfriend and I had roast beef."
"My boyfriend and I had no roast beef."
"My boyfriend is so good in bed he made me scream, moan, and cry...all at the same time."
The point is, let the fool know that you're boyfriend is your life. You eat, you sleep, heck you go to the bathroom with him every moment you have. Once he realizes that you absolutely have no time for anyone else, he'll back off.
Picture Perfect
If name dropping doesn't work, have you considered having a picture of you and your boyfriend up? Instead of putting a picture frame of you and him *inside* your cubicle, why not blow up a bigger picture of you and him and put it *outside* your cubicle? The first thing any advancer will see is you and your hubby making out with your hand down his pants. No boyfriend? I'm sure you have a picture of someone that is a man (that isn't your dad) somewhere. "Oh have you seen a picture of my boyfriend?" Then shove the picture in his face. Yeah...that's right.
A good idea is to have picture of you and your boyfriend that has a story behind it. A picture of you and him with the Yosemites as a backdrop shows that you travel with your boyfriend and you actually have something in common with him. A picture of Paris or something shows that you two can be together for long periods of time with no worries.
Out of Options?
So you've tried everything at this point and you're simply out of ideas on what to do next. If the previous advice do not work the best thing is to somehow have your boyfriend in the same room as them. Whether it's the special visit from the hubby at work-day or perhaps, to the extreme, invite the guy to dinner but make no mention that your boyfriend will be there. As for your boyfriend, you can just tell him that you want to take this coworker of yours because you feel sorry that he has no people skills.
The idea is to put a face behind the boyfriend/husband. When a guy has a face, voice, and habits to match with the word "boyfriend" that you keep bringing up, it's very likely he'll back up. Yes it will be difficult to orchestrate but it's the most effective.
What if you don't have a boyfriend/husband and you want to this guy off you? You're best action is to continue telling him "No, i'm not interested" Whether it's lunch, dinner, party, etc. Do not complicate things by rewording your phrase to things such as:
"I can't because..."
"I'd like to but..."
"I have plans."
"I'm doing ____ already."
A man, although a caveman sometimes, need a straight simple answer. If they continue with "C'mon, just one drink" or whatever, just stick to your guns and repeat the words "I'm not interested." You can add sorry to the sentence, but are you *really* sorry for saying no?
posted by Jimmy Smooth | Monday, July 24, 2006
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