Today's False Reality of Relationships

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7:00am Thoughts on Love

Sometimes loving someone with everything you got is all you can do, especially if that love isn't reciprocated back.
Sometimes it's not the right time for them, sometimes it's not the right time for you.

If it were something true, remember that love always comes full circle. What may actually look like an end in heartache may be just a stall in that circle that ends in love.

But there is a sacrifice to make for this to happen.... you must keep that wound in your heart open.... always.... so that they have a way to come back in.

Never turn your back because you are bitter,
never yell because you think they are a quitter.

Never speak in ill-words because you are hurt,
never ignore them because you feel like dirt.

And someday.... maybe someday... they'll stop one day in their busy life and think of you.... and remember how you never

turned your back when they looked for you,
never yelled when you came crying to them.

always opened your heart when they came to you,
Never ignored them when they need you.

It might take them a month, 3 months, or a year before they realize how great you are. It's never in a day... and it's never in a week.... which ever day it is, give them warmth when they come back.... because sometimes it's just as painful to realize you hurt someone and come back to them.... than letting go of someone because love wasn't given back.

Your Super-Power

We all know of a super hero.... spider-man... incredible hulk.... they all have some sort of superpower. They were given this gift... and in their life journey they had to struggle to control it.

We all have a super power. Think of your best attribute, something that you feel defines who YOU are... a personality trait that defines you.

I cannot speak for you, but I can speak for myself and use myself as an example. My best attribute is my perserverence.

I can start on a task, be it a sport or dancing or web design.... I never give up until I am satisfied that I have accomplished my goal.

In my day-to-day acts I never give up, and I would stick to it longer than most. Some would give up due to frustration... for me frustration is just part of the process.

I don't know where this attribute started.... it could be because I studied in biology and research..... in research you're taught to never give up and to search for an answer.

Or maybe it was before that? Maybe it was bred into me by my parents. Whatever it may be, perserverence is something that has been in me for a long time. That, is my super-power. My super-power is an extension of myself. I perservere, and it is used in my day-to-day acts.

My super-power also extends into relationships. I have a habit of sticking out in relationships at a point in time when others would have given up. I will work out a relationship and not call it quits unless I feel that it is absolutely necessary.

However, like Cyclops or Rogue or Iceman or any of the other superheroes.... you start with a gift that... unless you learn how to control..... it will get the best of you.

Sometimes, my super-power blinds me. I will pursue a woman... for whatever reason.... and totally forget about all the hints that tell me a relationship with this person will not work.

I met a woman that was an object of desire for many men. I pursued this person... and was successful. Unfortunately she was a complete mismatch to me.

Or, I will work at a relationship that is for obvious reasons failing... but will work at it because I think with a little effort it'll be okay.

My perserverence blinded me.... as my core attribute... my greatest attribute... took a hold of me.

It is my greatest attribute, but yet also something that has given me failure. Sometimes I just don't know when to quit. This has led to many unnecessary hearbreaks... lots of lessons learned... but a better understanding of who I am.

I've learned to recognize when to quit... when to let that perserverence run crazy... but also recognize when to pull it back.

I don't know what your super-power is... but whatever it is it must be great... especially when you can recognize it in yourself. Too often we proceed through a relationship thinking that our love or our ability to love will conquer all... help the relationship move along. Unfortunately this isn't always true.

Whatever power you have.... accept it for what it is... but also understand it. Understand when to use it... when to hold it back.... and when to stop it completely.

Your Worth

"I am in a good place" I keep telling myself as I ponder my existence, and my recent experiences in life and love.

I have some of the most interesting conversations within the last few months, all in part due to my better understanding of who I am and where I am at.... but also an understanding of people's habits and actions.... why a person acts the way they do and the possibilites that result in that act.

I am venting in a way, in the only way I can which is through blog entries. I continue to keep the tradition of keeping my blog entries public, as a way to share my ideas so that others can compare with their own humanity.

It is amazing how clarity comes after the storm, but also after years of experience... and also "slowing down" for a change. I have a good life. I have no dysfunctionality, no anger, no problems, nothing.... and even if there is.... it does not affect me for long.

I have had some candid conversations in the last few months. I speak to Phi-long about his experience with his life and wife, bouncing ideas back and forth with him to better understand how people, or why people, act the way they do. Most often, his answers only support what I have already suspected.

Not giving up on love... that is something I have discussed with Jules. It is amazing how my storm brought her to my aid.... only to have it reversed for me to listen to her recent experiences. It helps that she's a fellow Cancer.

Jackie gave me recent insight on how it is to love someone deeply, but yet realize that love does not necessarily have to mean "relationship." Sometimes, loving someone isn't enough to change how you, or how they, feel.

Erin allowed me to understand, all based on a simple conversation on common interests (motorcycles, music, salsa dancing, windsurfing, snowboarding, and travel), that there are opportunities out there.... relationship opportunities.... available to you if you are willing to take that extra step.

Mourik, on our conversations on marriage and long term relationships, that being in a 3+ relationship that goes nowhere can have some very big problems.... only if you let it take ahold of you.

Kate, who gave me an understand that love is simple... love is young... love can last... and love does not have to be between just a husband and wife, or boyfriend or girlfriend.

And there is my recent conversation with Shannon, who has reminded me that with love... anything goes.

What I have come to the conclusion is that, if you love someone... or want someone... there is no excuse to not folow through.

If you really want someone, make the time.
If you really want someone, make the effort.

Sometimes you can give all the attention and love to someone... but you can't make them feel the same way towards you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved, through your actions.... it is entirely up to them to realize what you are worth.

My Sister's Wedding

Who would've thought that a wedding part of only 28 would be pretty good.

Weeks, even months before my sister's wedding I was already in the mood of not going. For about $1,000 I would have to fly over to Maui, rent a condo, eat, and rent a car with $1,000 that I didn't have. It didn't help when my parents voiced how they were not interested in going either, saying how they would have wanted the wedding to be here in San Jose.

My friend Chin and his friend Angela acompanied us to the wedding also. As we prepared to drive over to the Four Seasons Hotel in Wailea, Maui, my dad requested that I help him with his black tie (instead of a bow tie) as he prepared to wear his tuxedo.

When we arrived at the Four Seasons Hotel at our designated time (for photos), we didn't see anyone we knew (as in my sister and the groom.). Being a small family of only four, it wasn't like we had the grand presence like most families. At first, we were a bit confused on where we were supposed to be.

After some time men with photo equipment came to the area and saw my dad (he was the only one dressed in a full tuxedo in 84 degree Maui) and immediately approached him. "Are you here for the Bui/Marquis wedding?" one gentleman asked. So apparently they were here looking for them also!

Eventually the groomsmans and groom in their black tuxedos came to the area, which in turn caused a bunch of other people who were there for the wedding to also congregate together in the lobby. The wedding planner, Katie, also approached us and informed the groom's family to go outside for some photos while the very small, Bui family hanged out in the lobby.

I was not interested in going to the wedding at all, it cost too much, I didn't have the money for it, and I was more interested in being at home. All changed when Katie informed us that my sister was ready and was coming down.

Seeing my sister for the first time (instead of a quick glance) in two years was quite different. As she walked towards us with her bridesmaids, many women walking by or standing nearby could not help but look and smile at the bride. Women would try to get a better look at her by arching their necks or twisting them to get a better view from where they were at.

My sister, is a very simple looking woman. Ever since she was growing up, she never had to wear a whole lot of make-up. With fair skin and rosy cheeks that were natural on her, and a complexion that flawless, all her make-up for the wedding consisted of was additional blush, mascara, and lipstick.

Instead of frowning that I had to be there, for the first time since my trip here I actually could not help but smile; My only sister is finally married and this is the wedding she wants and that's all that matters.

  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

  

  

Since we had some time before we had to take photos, the family chatted away with each other over various subjects related to the wedding. Because it was hurricane season and the winds were hard, the wedding planner recommended that the reception be moved indoors following the ceremony.

Up to today by the way, my sister has never called on my parents to do anything, there was no wedding rehearsal, and there was no need for my parents to do anything. The only thing that was requested of them was to pick up father's tuxedo before we left for Maui. At first glance it may have been silly that the wedding was so small however with some thought, my sister is actually a very simple person requesting very little from her wedding. There was no bridezilla here, just a smalltown girl.

My dad was requested that all he had to do was walk her down the aisle, turn and hug and kiss her before letting her continue onto the aisle. "Am I supposed to walk fast or slow?" my dad asks. "Whatever is easy for you dad" my sister told him.

Katie tells us it's time. She informs mother and myself that we will be sitting in the front row on the left, in seats that totalled around 28 (Four columns) next to my mom and where dad was to sit.

As we waited, like the groom and the minister, I couldn't help but notice how windy it was. For a moment I wondered how if I had superpowers I would stop the winds and make it sunny like I was a character from Dragonball Z, powering up my yellow ball of energy and yelling out "Kama ka keo!" as I sent the power ball up into the sky to clear out the sky. Ohh yeah.

  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

  

The minister requested we all stand as the bride was to walk down the aisle, my sister in arm with my dad, appeared from around the corner, walking a bit faster than most people I've seen walk during their weddings...perhaps she wanted to get things rolling...perhaps dad wants to get things rolling...which ever it may be it was interesting seeing how my sister, without the need for someone to hold onto a wedding trail, flew on down the aisle. Chin tells me, later in the night, that my dad shedded only two tears, visible only if you were watching him carefully.

My dad, is a man's man. The kind of man that doesn't cry, doesn't show he's crying, or even want to cry. The last time I saw the man shed any tears (and I've never seen him weep) was when his father died years ago...and he didn't cry when he heard the news, he cried when he saw the funeral video.

Upon reaching her groom, she laughed and stumbled a bit, as if the wind was blowing her footing her off. She went teary-eyed twice, once when she got to him after my dad walked her down the aisle and the second time when she read her vows to him.

The hawaiian minister had a greeting that he said in hawaiian, and then translate in English. Although I do not remember most of what he said, I do recall that he stated that marriage was like the flowered lei, beautiful but should be treated as if tomorrow were it's last days.

  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

Throughout the wedding ceremony, there were a lot of sniffles, mostly from my future sister-in-laws sitting right behind us.

Once the minister gave the two the blessing of marriage, they walked down the aisle with rose pettles thrown at them, a Hawaiian way of wishing them good luck. Pictures followed afterwards.

  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

As the groom's family were taking pictures with the bride, Chin and I were standing around talking and joking around. "Hey, how come you got a fan and a program and I didn't?" he asked, indicating the fan I was given (if it was hot) and the mini program (pink, tied with a pink bow tie on the outside). "Well if you want them there's still in the basket over there" I indicated to him. There were a lot of extra programs and fans sitting in the basket. "Well she paid for them, might as well take them" I told Chin, as I proceeded to dump all of the extras into my mom's carrying bag. "Hey, why are you leaving just one fan behind?" Chin asked. "Well I want to leaving something behind in case someone wants something" I told him.

Because of the winds, the wedding reception was to be moved indoors however that would take some time to execute. As we waited in the lobby area, sipping on Mai Tai Punches and eating hor-deurves, my parents, Chin, his ex, and myself did not have a table to sit down at...because all of the tables were taken except one where you have to stand and drink from. The Buis don't really care about sitting down, and we proceeded to joke around, take pictures, and just plain relax until dinner can begin.

  

  

  

  




  

  

The reception was lavish. The great thing about small weddings is that you can make it so much more personable, and if you want; can make it much more expensive looking.

In order to find the table we were to sit in (there were only 3 tables possible) you had to get the strawberry daiquiri that had an umbrella and a tag with your name and number on it.

Upon sitting at your table you had two forks on the left, two knives on the right, and a spoon and fork in front of the plate, in front of you...all made of solid sterling silver. A 3-person band played live music as we sat and mingled until the bride and groom entered the room.

Upon entering and greeting everyone, they proceeded with their first dance. What went through my mind was "why didn't I teach them something?" but realized that she had a gown that would've made it impossible to do steps such as the cha-cha or hustle. No-no, that would be impossible.

Following the dance the father of the bride, and the mother of the groom were to dance. "I can't dance" my father told us after the MC announced that they were to dance. After some heavy resistance we told him "you don't have a choice" and with a good push from me, he was off dancing. He actually didn't do too bad.

What followed was a speech from the best man and the main brideswoman (??). The best man was his older brother, whom basically remembers the younger years.

Other people were welcomed to speak after them, including Chin. Mine however went something like this:

"Allow me to formally introduce myself, my name is Jimmy and I'm the bride's brother. In fact, I'm her only brother, and as such I feel that it is a privelage to be able to provide a voice for our family. I am reminded of a proverb today: marriage is but a vessel, that takes a man and a woman from one life to the next, as love continues from the physical and into the spiritual."

"Joseph and Linda were on that vessel even before they were married. Allow me to explain. Kenny (the groomsman) said earlier that he was surprised at how quiet Linda was when he first met her. Well the reality is is that the whole family is quiet. Although we speak very little we make up in actions and sacrifice. In a show of committment, Linda was willing to pick herself up and take herself to New York, to be with Joseph as he continued his education. It is that sacrifice that brings us all here today, and also an example of what our family holds most important."

"Although tonight is a celebration of the union between Joseph and Linda, it is also a recognition of the sacrifices and committments that each made to one another to get them to today. Before you leave, take their marriage as a reminder and use their strength for your current or future relationships. Thank you."

Then came the bouquet throw. There were only 5 women that were single at the wedding reception. Probably planned ahead through great consideration, when my sister threw her wedding bouquet it broke into 5 pieces...one for each woman. On the other hand the garter throw didn't break into 5 pieces but that's okay, I was glad I didn't catch it.

As we dined over a course of food that went from a salmon/cheese/cavier appetizer, ceaser salad, lobster, fillet mignon, and wedding cake, hawaiian dancers performed traditional movements.

I made the mistake of drinking too many mai tais and strawberry daqs, with my sips of champagne, because my stomach didn't agree with them and I had to excuse myself to the men's room.

Apparently while I was gone Chin and the groom's dad sang, and I think the groom also sang.

  

  

  

Interesting enough there were no dancing. NO one was dancing! Chin was telling the people at the table that I was a salsa instructor and such while I was looking at pictures on his camera. I pretended not to pay attention...I really didn't want to go through another series of questions and statement that are always the same:

1. Where do you teach at?

2. How long have you been doing this?

3. WHen do you teach?

4. How much does it cost?

5. I should show up sometime.

6. Do you give private lessons?

I was feeling a bit sick anyway and wasn't too interested in talking.

Following the reception we were given a surprise out in the lobby area, a fire dance! Throughout the performance I wondered to my self whether the plants behind the guy would catch on fire.

After a long night of good eating we said goodbye to everyone, including my new brother and sister-in-laws. It's strange to see that I have new relatives...because I grew up not having anyone as a relative. I have young cousins living in Vietnam but to have someone I can call my sister and brother? It's very strange and almost surreal. AND a mother-in-law?